How to shoot a hat

… in 27 easy steps.

  1. Knit hat.
  2. Wash hat.
  3. Resist urge to photograph hat while damp.
  4. Look for a sunny spot in the house.
  5. Give up finding a sunny spot in the house.
  6. Get white whitish sheet of paper.
  7. Arrange sheet of paper so that half lies on a flat surface and half leans against a somewhat stable vertical surface.
  8. Remove cat from paper.
  9. Secure sheet of paper so it stops sliding.
  10. Spray cat with squirt bottle.
  11. Position hat on paper as artistically as possible so it doesn’t suck.
  12. Spray the other cat.
  13. Reposition hat.
  14. Talk to cats in Italian.
  15. Go into the other room to get a lint roller.
  16. Remove cat hair from paper and reposition hat.
  17. Put extra food in the kitty dish.
  18. Set white balance and take first picture. Blurry.
  19. Chase cats out of the room and vow never to buy a house with an open plan again.
  20. Take second picture with one hand while keeping cat #1 at bay. Super Blurry.
  21. Spray both cats.
  22. Ask Ben if he can take the cats into his office.
  23. Give up on Ben since he’s coding and can’t parse human language.
  24. Rearrange hat on paper and try to take third picture.
  25. Explain to cat that you need to take at least a few pictures without feline body parts in or around the hat.
  26. Acknowledge the limitations of the human condition.
  27. Shoot whatever pictures you can.
Kelvin and gray hat